My boyfriend can’t ‘get it up’

September 21, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I am having a problem. I am living with a man who is 40 and he wants to marry me. I met him two years ago and moved in with him.

He helped me to finish college, so I am very thankful for that, but he has not been able to take me happy in bed, and so I have been cheating on him. It is not that this man can't have an erection or anything like that. The problem is that as soon as he begins to have sex with me, he ejaculates. When we first started to have sex, he said it was because he was anxious. But it has continued, so I know that he can't be anxious all the time because we are living together. He has been to the doctor and nothing has changed, so I can't take this anymore.

This man has given me a good life. We live in a three-bedroom house in a gated community. I have everything to my convenience. Before I met him, I was broke and bouncing around, but all of that changed when I came to know this man.

He has one daughter, who is in high school. She is a lovely miss. Since I have been with him, she has come to spend the weekend a few times. He has nothing to do with her mother.


The first time I cheated on him it bothered me, and I told myself that I would not do it again. But this man's situation is not improving at all, so he is driving me to keep another man. He picks me up at work and takes me home, so it is during my working hours that I cheat on him with one of my co-workers who was after me from the time I came to work with this company. This guy is living with his child's mother but so far, nobody in the company knows that we are lovers. I told my mother that I am not very happy, but I have not told her why. My mother and some of my siblings spend time with us and my boyfriend likes to show off. When they come, he cooks for them. How can I stay with a man who cannot satisfy me? Please give me your advice.


Dear M.T.,

I believe that you are a very fortunate girl. You are with a man who has made you very comfortable. When he met you, you were in debt and he assisted you to clear it. He has put you in a lovely home. You have admitted that you have never had it so good. You realise that this man is suffering from premature ejaculation. You said that he has been to the doctor, but whatever the doctor prescribed for him to take has not worked. Not every doctor can help men to overcome premature ejaculation. That is a specialised area.

Your boyfriend is 40, but some men suffer from premature ejaculation much earlier. I do not believe that this man's condition is incurable, and that is why you have been cheating. I believe that you could have worked with him to overcome this problem. There are many things that can cause premature ejaculation. One is indeed anxiety, but you have ruled that out.

I know a doctor who specialises in sexual dysfunctions. I would forward his name and number to you and hope that you and your gentleman will make an appointment to see him. Make sure you go with him. Stop having an affair with your co-worker. Your boyfriend trusts you. He doesn't expect you to be cheating, so be wise and cut out the nonsense, please. This man's condition can improve, but it will not be overnight, so be patient. I wish you well.


Other Tell Me Pastor Stories