Sister and I used to share the same man

Dear Pastor,

I am 24 and I have one sister. We have been close from the time we were children. We are not twins, but we can pass as twins. We are just one year apart. Growing up, we were the same size, so we used to wear each other's clothes.

My father loved us. We have three brothers. My sister started to have sex before me. When we started to have sex, nobody knew. We used to sleep together on the same bed. My brothers had their own room. We didn't have to sleep on the same bed, because there were two beds. My sister told me the night when she had sex for the first time. She was 17. She was very bright in school and she was good at math. The man who took her virginity used to help her in math; we used to meet him at a place where he had classes. That day I could not go because I wasn't feeling well, so my sister went alone.

One day, this man came to our house, and only my sister and I were there. She told me that he was always saying that he loved the both of us. I told her that she should stay with him, because it is not right for the both of us to have him as our boyfriend. He bought some chicken for us because our parents couldn't afford to buy from the famous restaurant. He was staring at me and I asked him why. He said it was because he always loved me. He held my hands and kissed them and then he pushed his hands in my pants. I told him I was going to tell my sister, but I did not say anything to her while he was there. I told her what happened after he left.

That night I did not sleep with my sister, but I kept remembering what he had done and how it felt. Another time my sister and I were alone at home, and she told the teacher, who came to see us. He started to play with both of us. I don't want to say what he started to do because it sounds so bad. Looking back, it sounds as if we were two bad girls, but we weren't. We were just young girls having fun with an older man. This time he brought more food and ice cream. My sister had told him that she told me that they had sex. He asked me if I wanted to try and I told him I was afraid. He said nothing would happen to me. We agreed to have sex with him.

I eventually told him that that should not happen with the two of us all the time. My sister and this man are now married and he looks at us as his wives. I am now engaged, and I wonder sometimes if my husband will satisfy me the way this guy made me feel during the year or so that we had sex.

My boyfriend and I make love all the time, but it is not as pleasing as when I used to have sex with the teacher I would like to get him out of my mind. Sometimes I tell my sister that we should not have allowed that to happen. But she says I should just forget it and move on; we are now big people, and were just teenagers.

What do you say about that?

F.

Dear F.,

I know you would appreciate the fact that I have deleted some of the things that you have said. I consider that you and your sister made mistakes, and perhaps this man took advantage of your naivety.

I want you to understand that many girls have found themselves in similar situations. I do not say that to excuse you from what you have done, because you are still responsible for your actions. This man is married to your sister, and you are presently engaged. I want you to forgive yourself for your past. There is noting that you can do to change that. You can forgive yourself; however, for what you have done and by the help of God, try your best to live a good life.

Your sister says that you will forget what happened. I am sure that she has not forgotten what transpired between all three of you, but she has somewhat put it behind her. I hope you will have a happy marriage and that you will keep in touch with me. I wish you well.

Pastor