I slept with two brothers

Dear Pastor,

Let me say from the very beginning that I am not a bad woman, and so I do not want you to condemn me.

I have had different men in my life, and I had two relationships that I am not proud of. These two relationships are with brothers, and they turned out to be good guys, as far as taking care of me was concerned. They knew that I was having sex with both of them. They even discussed the matter in my presence. I remember at one time they asked me what would happen if I should find a husband. I told them that I would have to stop seeing them, and they said that would be fair.

I have learnt a lot from these two guys. I was never broke. During the time I was having sex with them I had two children -- a boy and a girl -- and the fathers of these children hardly paid attention to them. But I could always call these guys and ask them for money and they would either drop off some funds for me, or tell me when to pick it up.

The fun with these guys came to an end when one of them informed me that he fell in love with another woman . She used to invite his daughter to spend time with her because she didn't have children of her own. He often took his daughter to her house, and one thing lead to the next. I was unhappy with him at first, but I got over it because his brother was still with me. However, his brother also left.

I never thought that I would have got involved with two brothers.

I have tried my best to be careful. Men find me very attractive. I have a good profession. Although sometimes I struggle to pay my bills, I always come through. I am sure you will be glad to know that I am now a Christian, and I am hoping to get married. The man who would love to marry me asks a lot of questions, but I refuse to tell him everything about my past. This man and I are planning to visit with his relatives overseas for Christmas. He is suggesting that we tie the knot while we are there, but we would love to have our children at our wedding, so that will not work.

Do you have any suggestion for us?

H.

Dear H.,

I want you to know that I will not condemn you for the life that you have lived; that is between you and God.

I am not at all surprised that you have been intimate with two brothers, and both of them knew about each other being intimate with you. They probably saw that as having great fun, and you were enjoying sex with them. These guys were very liberal; they supported you well financially and they helped you with your children.

The relationship between you and these brothers came to an end. Now, you have been fortunate to find another man who is willing to marry you. I will not suggest that you tell this man everything about your background. Not every man can accept this sordid type of behaviour. There are some things that people do that they have to take to his or her grave without sharing. It is not everything a person should talk about or disclose. That is my position, but others may disagree with me.

If your present boyfriend and you are serious about getting married, please make sure you go through a series of premarital counselling sessions. I wish both of you well.

Pastor