Think my man raped my best friend

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 and I have a boyfriend; we have been together for two years and everything was fine with us. He is 23.

We rented a small side of a house and we promised that we would be true to each other. I have a very good girlfriend. We attended the same high school. Sometimes she spends weekend with us. Recently, my boyfriend asked me if we can do a threesome. I was so shocked, so I asked him if he was not satisfied with having me alone. He said he is, but he has some friends who enjoy having threesomes. So he wanted to know if I would agree to have my best friend join in and have a threesome.

Since that time I have lost respect for my boyfriend. But to make matters worse, on my birthday last December, he took me out and I told my girlfriend she could come with us. So we dressed up and went to a club. It was my time of the month and my boyfriend knew that. When we came from the club, we took drinks with us and we played music and danced. I felt tipsy so I decided to go to bed while my boyfriend and best friend were in the other room. When I woke up, the lights were still on. I went into the room and saw my boyfriend with his pants down and my girlfriend was not wearing anything past her waist. Both of them were knocked out.

When I really came to myself, I asked them what was going on and my girlfriend said nothing. I pressed my boyfriend to tell me the truth and I asked them if they had sex. The girl said my boyfriend raped her, because she didn't even know what was happening as she was drunk. Her panties were on the floor. I believed her because this man wanted to have sex with her. She went into the bathroom and when she came out, she knelt down by my feet and begged me to forgive her for what happened.

My problem now is that this man has thrown away the love that I have for him. Why would he want to have sex with two of us, and why should he rape my friend? I told my friend that she could have him, but she is now begging me to forgive him. I cannot handle the situation. This man is buying me gifts daily. I know what he is trying to do. He is trying to sweeten me up to forgive him, so I am asking you to tell me what to do.

S.A.

Dear S.A.,

When people are drunk, anything is likely to happen. For some people, they do things that they never thought they would do.

Some years ago when I was a young counsellor, my landlord had an event and his friend visited. He drank too much and became drunk. He was living in the Harbour View area. My landlord asked me if I could drive this man's car and take him home. He assured me that everything was safe. So we got the gentleman into the car and the landlord and I took him home. His wife was at home waiting on him. She opened the grille and the garage door and I drove in. He was lifted out of the car. He was not aware of anything because he was stone drunk. Some weeks ago when the man saw me, all he did was laugh.

Now, your boyfriend intended long ago to have sex with your girlfriend, and that is why he asked you to agree to engage in a threesome. He did not take no for an answer, so you should have been aware that he was always looking at your friend. I would say to you, no woman should drink to the point where she is not in control of herself. Some girls, when they drink too much, one of the first things they do is to start stripping themselves. They take off every piece of their clothes. Perhaps your girlfriend couldn't control herself. But I question very much whether this man deliberately got her drunk to have his way with her.

Whatever decision you make, it is totally up to you, but I hope that you will learn never to trust this man again.

Pastor