My husband is going to kill me with sex

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column for a long time and I have introduced it to many people.

A few months ago, I celebrated my 40th birthday. Many of my friends congratulated me and reminded me that life begins at 40. I was married for 10 years. Unfortunately, my husband passed on. He was building a house and then he became ill and died. I had enough money saved, so I was able to finish the house with the help of two of my brothers.

After my husband died, I became a member of a church. I met a man there. We fell in love and got married. He was a wild man before he became a Christian. He has two children who were born in the same year, just months apart, with two different women. I am working, so I don't pressure this man for anything, but he is very helpful. He comes home early, cooks tasty meals and he helps with house chores.

This man is going to kill me with sex. Sometimes I am sleeping and he wakes me up just because he wants to have sex. I try to resist him, but I spoke to one of the church elders and she said I should be careful not to resist my husband because I might be driving him away. I know that very well, but I find it very difficult to keep up with him. Even when I get up in the morning and go to the bathroom and try to get dressed for work, my husband wants me to give him something before I leave. This is when I get annoyed. But during my lunch time, I call him and apologise for my behaviour. Then he says that we have to 'double up' when I get home.

My first husband was not like that. He was much slower and there are times I had to beg him to touch me, but not this man. The man is so strong. He can go two rounds in a night then in the morning he would say I have to give him a send-off before I go to work.

R.

Dear R.,

Let me begin by telling you that I am happy to know that you have a husband who is active in every way.

Many women would be happy to have a man who comes home, prepares dinner and helps around the house. Some men would get home and just wait on their wives to cook dinner and to do everything in the house. Then they would expect them to function at a 100 per cent level in bed. When their wives complain, these men say that the women are not doing their wifely duties. What I am trying to say is that although it is natural for you to feel tired, you should be very happy you have a helpful husband. On the other hand, he should be reasonable. He should not expect you to be willing to make love to him every day or night of the week.

I could encourage you by saying that he will slow down, however you should not be anxious for him to do that. Do you remember the days when you had to beg your first husband to touch you? You don't want those days to ever come back, do you? So be happy for this man who you have and take care of him very well.

Pastor