I regret not being in my children’s lives

Dear Pastor,

I have five children who are scattered all over the place. But I only have a close relationship with two.

I am 65 years old. I used to run up and down a lot. I used to brag about how many women I have. I had these children with three different women. I only accepted the two children who haven't abandoned me. When my friends used to tell me that I should accept my children, I used to ask them whether they have seen me pregnant.

My father has 12 children, but I am not close to all of my siblings. I am only close to those my mother has for my father because we grew up together. My father did not treat any of his children well. My mother used to curse him. She told him that he would regret what he is doing to his children. Now I regret that my children were not part of my life.

My mother is a great woman. Women came to our house looking for my father and they told my mother that either they had a child for him or they were pregnant by him. My mother used to listen to them and she used to give them what she had. When my father got home, she used to tell him that so and so came by and she gave them what she had. My father used to tell her that she should chase these women away. But my mother used to tell him that she cannot do that because she too is a woman.

Right now I am not doing well. I would love to get some help, but these children would not even come to visit me.

P.W.

Dear P.W.,

I read your letter with much interest. Not long ago, I spoke to a young woman whose husband was the runaround type.

Every parish he worked in, he impregnated women. But he did not accept paternity nor give the women any assistance when they were pregnant. So the children knew that about him, but grew up not having anything to do with him. Now he is seriously ill and all the burden of supporting him is on his wife and the two children that his wife had since they have been married. She does not have enough money to support him. He was a wicked man. He has no pension, none whatsoever. The company with whom he works did not pay any statutory deduction.

You are not much better than this man because you played around. You acted as if you weren't going to get old and need the help of these children. But here you are - a man on his knees. Your health is failing. Let all the men who read this letter realise that what has happened to you, could happen to them. It is time for men to wake up and to support their children. If men believe that the children are biologically theirs, they should do a DNA test to ascertain whether they are the fathers.

Pastor