My mother is making my life hell

Dear Pastor,

I need your help. I am a 37-year-old only child for my parents, but I was raised by my aunt and grandmother.

However, when I was 17, I was sent to live with my parents. At that time they were married and living together. When I went back, I did not have anywhere comfortable to live because my parents did not make preparations for me. So I left and went to live with my boyfriend.

All my childhood neglect came from my parents. I confided in men because I was seeking help and support from them. But men have failed me multiple times. I didn't have a father figure to guide me as to how men should treat me as a girl. That's because my father manipulated my mother. She has been having trouble with him for years. She had to leave him but took him back multiple times.

My boyfriend became my babyfather, but we broke up, so I had to go back to my parents' house on multiple occasions. But I still did not get help from them. We all had to live in one room. The situation with my parents has not changed. I rented a one-bedroom place with my son and somebody broke into the room and stole my television. For some reason, the people I live with reject me; even my family members reject me.

As I said, I came back to live with my parents for good. I am now doing an addition on my parents' house for myself which is made of concrete. My father received a piece of land from his grandmother before she died. For some reason, my mother seems to create chaos in the neighbourhood by cursing off the residents every day for the last two years. People came into the yard to work for me and she cursed them for no reason. One night I heard her say that the place is hers because she was married to my father, so I should not be building on the land. She is constantly cursing me and I feel discouraged.

My mother wants my money. Financially, she is draining me. My father doesn't want to take the responsibility to take care of the house and let my mother have a decent place to live. My mother is making nothing but trouble with other people including me. My father has given me permission to build on the land and I am almost finished building my house. But I do not have peace of mind.

S.N.

Dear S.N.,

My suggestion is that you stay where you are. You are 37 and you have been trying to find peace.

Stop the running up and down and don't take on your mother. She has said enough nasty things about you. Your father has not been a very responsible man either. But he has come to realise that he did not treat you well, so he has given you permission to put up a one-room place in which you can live in peace.

You say men have not treated you well from the time you were very young. So you have been bouncing here, there and everywhere. Your mother has no feeling or remorse for the way she has treated you. But forgive her and show her love the best way you can. At 37, you have to do your best to take care of your son and you have to remember that time is rushing by. You cannot give all your money to your mother to keep her quiet. You have a future before you. So you have to learn to save and make yourself very comfortable.

You did not get much guidance from your father, but God would help you if you put your trust in Him, so take your child to Sunday school and church and try to serve God every day. Yes, there will be times when you will have to ignore your mother. The good Lord knows that you do not hate her, but she is difficult to deal with. I wish you well.

Pastor