I feel like a stranger in my home

Dear Pastor,

I am a 43-year-old man living with my 30-year-old girlfriend, and we have two children together. I work as a farmer, while she earns a living buying and selling goods. She has been doing quite well in her business, travelling overseas to source items and also purchasing online. Most of what she sells are items for men.

One of her biggest challenges is accessing US dollars, but she has managed to find people who assist her with that. Since her business started doing well, however, her attitude towards me has changed.

If she asks me for something and I cannot provide it immediately, she sucks her teeth and says, 'Mi a guh get it.' The way she says it and the way she behaves sometimes make me feel like she might be seeing someone else. I don't want to accuse her unfairly, but I know this woman -- her behaviour has shifted.

Lately, she has developed a habit of disrespecting me. Whenever I try to speak to her, she dismisses me, sucks her teeth, and even calls me an idiot.

I cannot tolerate that level of disrespect. I told her that if we cannot live peacefully, then maybe we should go our separate ways. She told me that I am telling her these things because I want to bring another woman into the house. She says that if I attempt to bring in another woman in the house that she has worked so hard to help me build, I will regret it.

I know I am not the problem. I can't say that I don't see other women, but I am not involved with any of them.

I love my children dearly -- both are daughters, and they are doing well in school. My concern is also about the kind of environment they are growing up in.

I told her I am uncomfortable with her male customers coming to our house and suggested she meet them elsewhere. She refused, saying if she goes to their homes, I would accuse her of having affairs.

Still, I can't shake the feeling that something is happening behind my back. That is honestly how I feel. Since her business has grown, her respect for me seems to have declined. I can't even remember the last time she prepared a proper meal for me -- I find myself eating fast food almost every day.

Please tell me honestly what you think about this situation, and what I should do.

D.C.

Dear D.C.,

Let me begin by asking you a few honest questions. Is it possible that you are feeling threatened or even jealous because your partner is becoming financially independent and successful? Could part of the tension between you stem from the fact that she no longer has to rely on you for everything?

You mentioned that when she says, 'Mi a guh get it', you interpret that as her turning to other men for support. But is that the only explanation? Could she simply mean that she has business transactions pending and expects income shortly?

I want to be careful here -- I am not taking sides, but rather encouraging you to examine the situation rationally. Assumptions, especially in relationships, can be dangerous. If you accuse her without proof, you may push her into resentment -- or worse, into actions that confirm your fears.

At the same time, disrespect should never be ignored. Calling you names and dismissing you is not acceptable in any healthy relationship. That issue must be addressed directly and firmly.

It is also worth considering that both of you may be reacting to deeper frustrations -- yours, rooted in suspicion, and hers, possibly in feeling judged or controlled.

The best course of action is open, honest communication. Sit with her and express how her behaviour makes you feel -- not with accusations, but with sincerity. Let her know that you want the relationship to work, but mutual respect is non-negotiable.

I strongly recommend that both of you seek help from a trained family counsellor. A neutral third party can help unpack the tension, improve communication, and rebuild trust. If she agrees to attend counselling with you, that is a positive sign that she is willing to work on the relationship.

In the meantime, focus on maintaining your role as a father and providing stability for your children. They are watching and learning from both of you.

Pastor